Archive for March, 2012

Wayne Mitchell Dies After Eating Cocaine Hidden In Brothers Butt; Deangelo Mitchell Charged In Death.

I’m not sure there is much more that can be said about this story.  Two brothers, Wayne and Deangelo Mitchell, got pulled over and subsequently placed in the back of a police car.  The elder brother started freaking out about going to prison for life if/when the police find the cocaine he had hidden in his crack.

After some pleading and a minor guilt trip, Deangelo talked his younger brother into swallowing the drugs.  Wayne died shortly thereafter.  Kids…Don’t do drugs.  Don’t eat drugs.  Don’t eat drugs from your siblings ass crack.

Pic de Bugarach: French commune home to 20,000 ‘doomsday cultists’ awaiting alien salvation | The Sideshow – Yahoo! News.

20,000 French cultists gathered around the foot of Pic de Bugarach, awaiting the emergence of an alien race that will herald the end of days and whisk them away to a new world.  In the meantime, they spend their days making models of the mountain out of mashed potatoes.

(To be fair, this was happening “before” Close Encounters of the Third Kind premiered, but who cares?  It’s funny….)

Locals apparently refer to these people as “esoterics.”  C’mon…let’s call them what they are….crazy people.  The French government is actually worried about mass suicides taking place near the mountain as we draw closer to December 21st, the infamous end of the Mayan calendar.  Really, anyone care?  If these people are camped out around the base of this mountain they obviously aren’t working or otherwise benefiting society.  They should just beat them to the punch and nuke the site from orbit.  It’s the only way to be sure.

Woman Charged In Fire That Injured Boyfriend – Local News – Omaha, NE –

You have to wonder how thoughts even enter some people’s minds….or if they enter them at all.  What part of this plan seemed like a good idea?  Tanesha Beard (30yrs) decided that the best way to leave her boyfriend was to set her house on fire with him in it, and then, wait for it…..convince two of her four children to take the blame.  She has since admitted that she was the one that set the fire.  But wait…there’s more!

Tanesha didn’t come to her senses and realize that she was going to ruin her children’s lives forever (if she hadn’t already) and just confess.  Oh no…it wasn’t until the police discovered surveillance video of her buying  gasoline a half-hour before the blaze was set.

Her boyfriend remains hospitalized with burns over half his body.  Tanesha, meanwhile, has been charged with arson and four counts of child abuse.  Next time, Tanesha, do society a favor: buy the gasoline and just pour it on yourself.

83yr Old Runs Into Glass Door, Sues Apple | Trending Now – Yahoo! News.

Now, I hate Apple as much as the next person, but that doesn’t excuse extreme stupidity.  Once again, we have some nitwit doing something stupid and trying to cash in on it.

(Note: This story follows the gigantic wasp discovery story.  That’s not stupid, just scary as hell!!!)

An 83-year-old New York woman accidentally walked into one of the glass doors of the Long Island Apple Store and broke her nose.  Her lawyer stated “the store’s high-tech modern architecture poses a danger to some people.”  Yes…stupid people.  And with luck, that clever trap will remove some of them from this planet.

Alas, the lady is suing Apple for medical bills and negligence.  Whatever happened to just being stupid, or klutzy, or just not paying attention.  Did the lady not see all the other people walking in and out of the store?  Did she think the place simply didn’t have any doors or walls at all?!  I just don’t understand.

Unfortunately, in this country, this is something that will probably go to court and she may actually win.

Austrian saws off own foot to avoid work – report – Yahoo! News.

I hate working as much as the next person, but I draw the line at self mutilation to get out of going to the office.  This guy is committed….or he should be.

The new Toyota Prius C commercials are driving me insane…  The overly perky, preppy, bubbly, nitwits playing some obnoxious variant of the boardgame Life make me want to drive a fuel inefficient Hummer right through their house and run every single one of them over.  Maybe I’ll just drive the Hummer there and perform a collect smack across the face with a 2×4.  That might be just a tad more satisfying.  I might even add some nails to the 2×4.

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