Archive for May, 2010

Advocacy Group Calls for Ronald McDonald’s Retirement (Courtesy

Don’t we have more important things to worry about right now?  Really, this kind of stuff just makes me grit my teeth and pull my hair out.  Do people really think that if they removed Ronald McDonald from the commercials that kids would suddenly stop going to McDonalds?  It’s not the mascot’s fault that kids are overweight.  It’s the fault of those delicious….savory french fries.  Well, that and the parents that decide to shovel fast food to their kids every night instead of giving them a proper dinner.  It’s not like kids are going through the drive-thru and buying this stuff themselves.  Once again, blame is being passed to something else when people need to step back and look inward.  Stop feeding your kids crap all the time and they won’t be fat!!  Don’t blame McDonalds for having an eye catching mascot or tasty food….blame yourself for not having the willpower to resist or for simply being too lazy to cook.  Pretty simple really.

Man Fakes Mugging to Get Ride Home  (Courtesy

A jerkoff Maryland man called 911 to report being mugged.  When police arrived they discovered that there was, in fact, no robbery, and that the man simply needed a ride home.  His cell phone was out of minutes so the only number he could call was 911.  Stuff like this is why I think there should be a “Justified Police Brutality” statute.  But lets not call it that….how about “On-The-Spot Correction?”  Or “Officer Discretionary Sentancing?”  Charges are pending, but seriously, I think all this guy needs is a good slap to the face and punch to the gut, then send him on his way…..without a ride home of course.

Only In Colorado

CO Man Convicted of Shooting Himself In Nuts  (Courtesy

HA!  Not only does he shoot himself in the nuts trying to use his gun, (allegedly) but he gets convicted of “illegal discharge of a firearm.”  You’d think that self-castration would be enough of a punishment.

Church Starts Worship Services for Dogs  (Courtesy

A Massachusetts church is going to start providing a monthly worship service for dogs.  The “Prefect Paws Pet Ministry” is designed to give dogs and their owners better chances at getting into heaven.  Uh…I think God may be getting a little nitpicky if dogs are now being judged by how well mannered they are.  What the hell happened to All Dogs Go To Heaven.  Disney lied to me!!!!  So what does this mean for other animals of the wild kingdom?  Are cats allowed in, or are they automatically going to hell because of how snobbish they always seem?  Cats and dogs seem to sleep alot….isn’t that sloth?  What about wild animals?  Wolves, Hyenas, Birds, Octopuses, Lizards!  Do we need to start sending missionaries out to Africa to bring the word of God to the many Lion prides across the Serengeti?  Wait….that might not be a bad idea.  Send the ones that keep coming to my door and bothering my while I’m playing God of War III.  In summation, this is stupid.

Skinny Jeans Too Tight for Rape  (Courtesy

In yet another stunningly stupid judgment in a court of law, it’s been determined that women wearing tight fitting “skinny jeans” are apparently incapable of being raped.  What’s even more amazing is that this lapse in courtroom judgment didn’t happen in a U.S. courtroom!  Nicholas Gonzales was acquitted of rape charges in an Australian court after the jury decided that tight skinny jeans simply couldn’t “be removed without any sort of collaboration.”  Apparently if a woman takes her pants off in Australia then it’s sex time, regardless of if she wants to or not.  That point aside, uh, how the hell can this be any sort of defense against rape?  Her clothes were too tight?  Really?  Way to take two steps back, Australia!

Man Microwaves iPad, Sells on eBay  (Courtesy

In another case of why eBay is filled with complete wackjobs, we have this guy.  Buys an iPad, syncs it up to the 3G network, for some reason copies all his data to his desktop, then nukes it.  Actually put it in the microwave for 18 minutes until it’s a charred pile of plastic and fire.  Normally I’d be ecstatic to see something on fire, and normally I love seeing Apple stuff destroyed.  But this is just stupid.  What makes it worse is that he put it on eBay.  What makes it even WORSE is that some asshat is going to buy it!!  Everyone involved in this waste of my time needs a series slap in the face and probably a kick in the nuts.  Starting with Steve Jobs.

Apparently this is “Art,” and not the first time this guy has done this.  He has a long string of YouTube videos of him microwaving other things, including iPhones.  It must be nice to have money to waste and time to sit around and microwave random things as “art.”  It’s like sitting around bitching about stupid people all day.  wait….

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