Archive for April, 2010


Why? Just….Why???

Police Search For Supermarket Butt Sniffer….Really.  (Courtesy www.telegraph.co.uk)

I may need to make a new section call “Trying to understand this gives me a headache.”  This article would be the first submission.  A man in Britain was caught on CCTV leaning over behind unsuspecting employees/patrons and taking a healthy whiff of their butts.  Apparently he’d linger in aisles and wait for someone to bend over and reach for that special item on the lower shelf, at which point he’d make his move.  How does someone get started on this?  Why?  How do you get to a point in your life when this sounds like a great way to spend your evening?  I mean, God of War III is out for Campbell’s sake….surely that’s more fun!  This is another one of those things that will never be lived down.  Once this guy gets caught his life is over.  You can’t shake stuff like this once it goes public.

Robbery Suspect Eats Evidence  (Courtesy www.Ohio.com)

It’s not uncommon for drug dealers to quickly woof down some drugs before the Police can get their hands on them, but this is the first time I’ve heard of a robbery suspect taking this route.   John H. Ford was being detained and frisked on the hood of the patrolman’s car when the dash cam caught Ford stuffing a piece of paper in his mouth and chowing down.  Police suspect it was the note Ford handed to the bank teller demanding money.  Nice work, of course, he didn’t get a chance to choke down the .38-caliber pistol and bunch of cash covered in red ink from the explosive dye pack.  Which pretty much nails him as the robber.  Moron.

Man Says He Was Abused By Quadriplegic Girlfriend  (Courtesy www.killfile.newsvine.com)

Let’s just get right to it: “She’ll swing, push me down and choke me with her nubs.”

What more can anybody really add?  This genius was recently charged with beating up his quadriplegic girlfriend. The above was his statement to the police sighting self defense.  Really, why even bother with excuses with something like this?  Just shut-up and accept that you’re a douche.

As a side note, as a gamer, I can’t help but read that quote as “noobs” instead of nubs….which makes it that much more hilarious.

This Is News??

Britain’s Clumsiest Man Injured Again  (Courtesy www.telegraph.co.uk)

It’s kind of like saying “Worlds Fattest Man Eats Another Big Mac.”  No real shocker there.   For some reason this made news though.  Mick Wilary was recently hospitalized after his legs were crushed under a tractor on his farm.  This marks at least 30 injuries for this 58-year-old grandfather-of-two.  Nearly half of those incidents include broken bones in some form or another.  At the very least, you can read this and feel better about whatever clumsy move you might have made today.

I fully understand the sentiment that some people have, that parents should be teaching their kids about sex…not schools.  Respectfully, I think that’s a moot point for two reasons for this specific issue: 1) Parents can opt their children out of this class if they want to.  They can then teach them at home to their hearts content.  2). That’s a great sentiment, but I think we’ve all seen how so many people simply shouldn’t be parents or aren’t paying enough attention to their kids (either through fault of their own or not).  So the school providing an alternate way to educate kids is simply logical.  Should the parents sack up and make the time?  Damn right.  Does that mean they are actually going to?  I think we all know the answer to that question.

Let’s face it, kids these days are bombarded with sexually charged material from all angles these days.  The internet, TV, Radio, friends, video games, magazines, books…..everything.  Is that a good thing?  Is that the real root of the problem?  Maybe.  But that’s a moot point as well.  That’s not changing anytime soon.  In the meantime, we need to deal with the problem as best we can.  Who would you rather your kids learn about sex, abstinence, consequences, and contraceptives from?  A teacher….or one of the countless entertainment sources that surround them daily?  If the parents aren’t going to do it, don’t hinder the next best person’s ability to do so.  If you, as a parent, can do it yourself….kudos!  Not all can….or want to.  Let’s not throw the kids the the wolves just because some parents are unwilling or unable to lead them.

Thankfully,  according to Janine Geske, a Marquette University law professoer and former state Supreme Court Justice, such charges would likely be dismissed if an attempt to prosecute was brought to court.   “To be frank, I can’t follow exactly what he’s trying to get at,” remarked Geske. “If a teacher is educating a student pursuant to state law … I don’t see how under any examination (that) could be criminal.”

The children said they had not eaten for two days during daddy’s brilliant weekend plan.  There was also a mass of open beer bottles throughout the vehicle when the children were discovered.  So it’s also likely these morons were drinking and driving throughout the weekend…which isn’t surprising.  Every day it seems I’m presented with another jackass who simply shouldn’t be a parent and time spent brainstorming on a way to license being a parent.  Labo actually picked the children up earlier in the week for his scheduled custody visit.  That would mean at some point he had to have actually fought for partial custody of the children.  Why?  What’s the point of even trying now?  Having no dad in the picture is better than having this dad.

 



Disclaimer: All trademarks/registerd trademarks are properties of their respective owners. This website contains material submitted and created by third parties. We have made every effort to indicate ownership and provide recognition of said ownership whenever possible. If you feel that you hold copyright to any material contained on this site and wish it's removal, please contact us immediately for it's removal. Please keep in mind this is a humor website and we in no way advocate the abuse, physical harm, or any actions taken against any person or group.

Copyright © 2012 Coalition For Slapping Stupid People. All Rights Reserved.