Archive for March, 2010


Ugh.  At what  point does someone sit down and think “Hmmmm…I’d like to start stripping in my home….for 12-year-olds.”  Outside of the obvious “wrong factor,” how is this even appealing?  Did she get turned down at the local strip club and this was her way of working her way up the ladder?  Maybe a local boy asked her to dance for her and gave her five bucks and she suddenly thought this was a great way to make money.  I’m afraid to even find out what else that “price list” included.

Robber Asks Victim “Don’t Tell My Mom”  (Courtesy www.kpho.com)

A bumbling would-be robber tried to hold up a convenience store early Saturday in Salt Lake City, Utah.  He tried to sneak behind the clerk and hold a knife to his throat, only to be foiled when the clerk spun around and knocked the knife out of his hands.  A quick bitch-slap and the teen when down without a fight.  As he fled out the door he asked that the clerk not call police and “Don’t tell his Mom.”  Nice.  Apparently he hasn’t been caught yet, but I suspect that’s the least of his problems.  Seriously, if you’re going to try your hand at criminal activity you should be less of a Momma’s Boy and at least try to butch up a little.  Certainly don’t plead with people to not tell your mom.  If he ever does go to jail he might as well just carry lipstick and cut a hole in the butt of his pants because he’s going to quickly be someone’s little love muffin in there.

Man Changes Name to God  (Courtesy www.EdmontonSun.com)

I guess someone really needs attention.  This “God,” formerly John Paul LaPointe, is no saint.  Among other things, he’s spent time in a Japanese prison for trying to smuggle marijuana into the country.  A Russian mystic he met while living in a new-age spiritual commune, the first clue that he’s got problems, suggested the name change.  Previously he had changed his last name to Dieux, a play on the French term Dieu meaning God.  So apparently his name is God God, which is even stupider.

Dumb Dumb remarked “I don’t want to make problem with the Quebecers.  I want to be able to vist Montreal and try the maple syrup and not get heckled.”  Maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to change your name to something that is obviously going to get you heckled.  It’s like changing your name to Tinkerbell Fairybottoms and not expecting to get made fun of and jammed in lockers.   You sir, are no god, you’re a moron.  Change your name to that.

As stupid as updating your MySpace may be, I can somewhat understand a kid doing this in today’s society.  “Ooooo, look at how cool I am!”  It’s dumb, and that alone would get you busted.  Especially with the FBI now perusing Facebook and other type sites.  I really never understood why anyone would post pictures or brag about crimes they’ve committed online…it’s just opening yourself up to get caught.  But deciding to check out porn sites and trying to sell stuff?  I just don’t understand that.  Isn’t the cardinal rule of burglary to get in, get stuff, and get out as soon as possible?  I don’t know…I’m asking.  It makes sense to me though.  The less time you’re there the less chance someone may have to discover you’re there.  I can’t imagine what would make someone think right then is a good time to check out some hotties and rub one out.  Not only would you possibly “get caught with your pants down”  (get it!!) but you risk leaving… ahem …biological evidence behind.  While selling stuff wouldn’t be nearly as embarrassing, it’s just as stupid.  You haven’t even made it out the door yet….how can you even sell the stuff!?  Let this be a lesson to everyone: leave the wanking for later at home, and for Campbell’s sake….You don’t have to MySpace/Tweet/Facebook every little thing all the time!!

College Billboard Has Embarrassing Spelling Error  (Courtesy www.wsvn.com)

The South Florida Career College debuted a new billboard advertising their school and urging people to go back to school.  Unfortunately, this may be a school to avoid if grammar and spelling is important.  The billboard was supposed to read “It’s never too late to start your career.”  Instead, it read “It’s never too late to start you career.”  Minor error in most respects, but for a school billboard it’s automatic internet fodder.  I fully expect to see multiple “FAIL” pics using this billboard on forums soon.  There’s no indication as to who actually made the mistake: the school, the designers, or the person who installed the sign.  Regardless, it’s hilarious.

Couple Married Inside Tenn. Bass Pro Shop  (Courtesy www.volunteertv.com)

I’m not sure what’s more distressing, that these people actually got married inside their local Bass Pro Shop or that other people have already done it!  Probably the latter.  Jonathan and Jennifer Honeycutt were married while regular daily shoppers looked on.  Complete with camouflage wedding dress and Jonathan in a camo tie and baseball cap.  *facepalm*  Jonathan was quoted as saying “Perfect setup. I mean, you get the waterfall in the background. Fish swimming around. Decorations are just perfect.”  Unfortunately, they didn’t fall into the waterfall and drown shortly after the ceremony.



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