Category: Lawsuits

A moron Texas woman is suing the Dallas Cowboys and owner Jerry Jones because she sat on a black marble bench outside the stadium and it burned her.  The temperature on that day was 101 degrees and made the marble extremely hot.  This moron had to undergo skin grafts due to the extent of the burns.  She’s suing the Cowboys because there was no warnings that the benches might be too hot to sit on.

Now, I hate the Cowboys as much as any sane person, but WTF!?  Society has completely lost any semblance of common sense.

Woman Sues Cowboys Over Overheated Bench Burning – Source: The Washington Post

Occasionally, a story comes around that makes me want to just start round-housing random people.  Thankfully, a round-house from me would be more like “sweeping the leg,” which is far less satisfying, so I never follow through.  Regardless, I’m still angrily walking around gritting my teeth trying to understand how people can be so damned stupid.  I present to you yet another ridiculously stupid lawsuit that not only wastes taxpayers money, but also serves to teach kids abso-fucking-lutely nothing!!  I don’t even think “ridiculously stupid” even appropriately describes how stupid this is.

Teresa Bloodman, the mother of a Maumelle High School student in Arkansas, is suing the school district and state after (takes a breath) her son was cut from the basketball team.  Apparently, her son made the team after two tryouts, but was then cut after the third.  Several of the schools football players tried out at the third round and replaced several of the players, including this crazy lady’s son.  She is suing due to:

” …the deprivation of the right to a full and complete education which includes competition in sports and consequently athletic scholarships impairs (student name withheld) of a property right guaranteed under both the U.S. and State Constitutions.”

You’ve got to be absolutely shitting me!  Where in the Constitution….ANY Constitution, are you given the “right” to play a sport.  And how in the fuck are all these other kids getting an education who never even try out for a sport, let alone get to play one!  Good Christ!!  It’s just not possible!!!

The suit was filed back in October and has gone through months of hearings, motions, rulings, and other worthless wastes of time.  No trial date has yet to be set.  That, in itself, pisses me off.  There’s no reason crap like this should even go through hearings and motions.  The lawyer should have been the first person to laugh at her in the face, in a loud and extremely rude manner, tell her she’s a moron, then throw random office supplies at her till she left.  The Judge should have been the next person to laugh in her face and kicked her to the curb.  I would have then suggested a press conference to discuss how stupid it was and publicly point and laugh.  I would also have suggested the lawyer be fined for not “knowing better.”  What a unbelievable wast of everything….time, money, air.

The article goes on to list several asinine statements made by Bloodman that make me want to type them out by banging my head on the keyboard.  Let’s take a look at each of them and see if I can get through them all before my head explodes…

First, she says that holding a third tryout violated her son’s equal protection right because it’s not the same method used by girl’s teams when they pick their squads.

Holy Shit!!  I missed the laws passed that indicate teams must be picked in an identical method.  Lawyers are lining up at the schoolyard to talk to all those poor kids picked last at kickball!!!

 Second, she indicated that the coaches are not certified or qualified to coach, and therefore not able to choose who makes the team.

I’m guessing SHE is obviously more qualified?  Let’s see, it would appear that Maumelle Basketball went 21-4, undefeated in conference play, took 2nd place in the River City District Tournament.  I have no idea what that is but it sounds like these coaches are doing a fine job choosing accomplished and talented players for the team.

And lastly, her son wasn’t given the opportunity to appeal his dismissal from the team, a due process violation.

WTF!?  Due Process!?  Does she even know what the hell she is saying?  Does the Lawyer?  How did he keep a straight face while writing this crap up?  I really feel stupider for just reading the article, I can’t imagine how people actually involved in this farce feel.  You don’t get an appeal for getting cut from a team.  For the love of Bruce Campell, even the most spoiled of people, Paid Athletes, don’t try and pitch the idea of appealing a cut from a team.

Playing on a team is a privilege, not a right.  You try out and hope you make it.  IF you do, you hope you are good enough to stick around and not get replaced by someone better.  If you don’t, then you either sack up and live with it or you practice and get better.

Holy Shit!  There is a concept!  WORK HARDER TO GET SOMETHING!!  How in the hell will kids these days survive if everything isn’t spoon-fed to them!?  If you’re dead set on playing that sport, drop down to JV and get better.  He’s only a freshmen, it’s the normal progression of things.  Yes, I’m sure the kid is devastated, but life is tough.  Stuff isn’t just handed to you.  You have to work for it…..EARN IT. At least that’s the way it should be.  Every kid who tries out for a sport is not going to make it.  Even if you aren’t half bad, you still may not make it.  Bust your ass and get better or learn to play video games.  Hallelujah!  Holy Shit!!  Where’s the Tylenol!?!?

Maumelle Mother Sues After Son Cut From Basketball Team – Source:

Ark. Mother Sues District and State After Son Cut From Team – Source:

83yr Old Runs Into Glass Door, Sues Apple | Trending Now – Yahoo! News.

Now, I hate Apple as much as the next person, but that doesn’t excuse extreme stupidity.  Once again, we have some nitwit doing something stupid and trying to cash in on it.

(Note: This story follows the gigantic wasp discovery story.  That’s not stupid, just scary as hell!!!)

An 83-year-old New York woman accidentally walked into one of the glass doors of the Long Island Apple Store and broke her nose.  Her lawyer stated “the store’s high-tech modern architecture poses a danger to some people.”  Yes…stupid people.  And with luck, that clever trap will remove some of them from this planet.

Alas, the lady is suing Apple for medical bills and negligence.  Whatever happened to just being stupid, or klutzy, or just not paying attention.  Did the lady not see all the other people walking in and out of the store?  Did she think the place simply didn’t have any doors or walls at all?!  I just don’t understand.

Unfortunately, in this country, this is something that will probably go to court and she may actually win.

The Microsoft suit references the plaintiffs XBOX 360 that suffered the dreaded Red Ring of Death, claiming he can’t afford the $100 fee Microsoft is charging him to fix it. Quoted directly from the suit documenation, the idiot claims the XBOX 360 is “only one of two ways in which he relies on to socialize,” as he suffers from depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, agoraphobia, and Crohn’s disease.  He’s asking for $75,000 from Microsoft due to “the stress put on the plaintiff having to find a way to acquire a new Xbox 360 system and the sadness he will have in the meantime of finding one he can afford.”

First, let’s start with the fact that there was actually a lawyer out there that took this case.  Why?  Sure, it’s money….but seriously….these types of lawsuits should not even be brought to court.  It’s a waste of everyone’s time.  I’m of the belief that these lawyers that cater to these bufoons should be punished in some way.  A fine, something.  But that’s our legal system.  Anyone can sue anyone and waste tax dollars.  Swell.

Now I love my video games as much as the next gamer, my wife can attest to that….or complain about it.  But come on.  Sack up, jackass.  Your hapiness is denied because you can’t use a character skin on Mario Kart!?  You are teh stupid.  I’m not sure if I should be laughing at this guy or feeling pity for him.  If the Wii and the 360 are the only ways he socializes, well, that’s the biggest problem right there.  Try getting out in the sunshine, kiddo.  An actual woman is much more fun than a vibrating XBOX controller…..most of the time.  There are millions of other things to do besides playing video games.  Even worse, instead of suing Microsoft for something legitimate….like faulty hardware….it’s just over the $100 repair cost.  Which is puzzling, considering there’s no doubt he’s paying more than $100 to his lawyer for both of these rediculous claims.  How about taking that money and buying a new XBOX and a copy of Mario Galaxy?  Problem solved!  Hapiness Restored!  +1 Extra Life!

Of course this comes back to the problem with American society today.  Everyone feels they are entitled to whatever they want.  Spoiled little brats, coddled by everyone since the day they were born.  If I was his parents I’d be taking both systems away and kicking his ass out into the sunshine at least for a little while.

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