Category: Humanity


I’ve recently felt like the United States really had the market on stupid.  Of course, the majority of the news I read is what’s available here in the States, so I don’t get exposed to other countries’ stupid as much.  Thankfully, Sweden and CNN.com managed to help me feel a little better about that today.  Only briefly, mind you, because shortly after reading the article I got a headache and had to weep for humanity.

Enter Sweden, where a law requiring everyone 15 years old or younger was passed a few years ago.  Naturally, people started discussing the idea that everyone, adults included, should wear helmets while riding their bikes.  In the US, we often struggle against things that seem…you know…smart.  I mean, why would you want to protect your head?  But Sweden managed to one-up us.  They were against this new legislation because it would be a “fashion disaster.”  With that in mind, Anna Haupt and Terese Alstin began development on the Hovding.  An inflatable “helmet” that would deploy like an airbag out of a stupid looking collar you would wear around your neck.  Yes….that sounds much better.

“To people like us, who wouldn’t be seen dead in a polystyrene helmet, the thought that we might be forced to wear one by law was cause for concern”

Hovding

The Hovding (Picture source from cnn.com)

The primary reason for a helmet is to protect your head, your brain, so that you don’t get any stupider.  Obviously, with these people, it’s a little late for that.  As you can see from the picture, that’s certainly much more fashionable.  I’ve always wanted to wear a fanny pack around my neck.  The deployed version sort of looks like an alien face-hugger latched on to the back of your head.  I’m not really sure I’d trust a balloon over a rigid helmet as it’s sliding across the concrete.

I guess I shouldn’t be frustrated by something like this.  It’s just one more way nature can weed out those genes that probably shouldn’t be reproduced.

The Invisible, Inflatable Bike Helmet  (Source: CNN.com)

Occasionally, a story comes around that makes me want to just start round-housing random people.  Thankfully, a round-house from me would be more like “sweeping the leg,” which is far less satisfying, so I never follow through.  Regardless, I’m still angrily walking around gritting my teeth trying to understand how people can be so damned stupid.  I present to you yet another ridiculously stupid lawsuit that not only wastes taxpayers money, but also serves to teach kids abso-fucking-lutely nothing!!  I don’t even think “ridiculously stupid” even appropriately describes how stupid this is.

Teresa Bloodman, the mother of a Maumelle High School student in Arkansas, is suing the school district and state after (takes a breath) her son was cut from the basketball team.  Apparently, her son made the team after two tryouts, but was then cut after the third.  Several of the schools football players tried out at the third round and replaced several of the players, including this crazy lady’s son.  She is suing due to:

” …the deprivation of the right to a full and complete education which includes competition in sports and consequently athletic scholarships impairs (student name withheld) of a property right guaranteed under both the U.S. and State Constitutions.”

You’ve got to be absolutely shitting me!  Where in the Constitution….ANY Constitution, are you given the “right” to play a sport.  And how in the fuck are all these other kids getting an education who never even try out for a sport, let alone get to play one!  Good Christ!!  It’s just not possible!!!

The suit was filed back in October and has gone through months of hearings, motions, rulings, and other worthless wastes of time.  No trial date has yet to be set.  That, in itself, pisses me off.  There’s no reason crap like this should even go through hearings and motions.  The lawyer should have been the first person to laugh at her in the face, in a loud and extremely rude manner, tell her she’s a moron, then throw random office supplies at her till she left.  The Judge should have been the next person to laugh in her face and kicked her to the curb.  I would have then suggested a press conference to discuss how stupid it was and publicly point and laugh.  I would also have suggested the lawyer be fined for not “knowing better.”  What a unbelievable wast of everything….time, money, air.

The article goes on to list several asinine statements made by Bloodman that make me want to type them out by banging my head on the keyboard.  Let’s take a look at each of them and see if I can get through them all before my head explodes…

First, she says that holding a third tryout violated her son’s equal protection right because it’s not the same method used by girl’s teams when they pick their squads.

Holy Shit!!  I missed the laws passed that indicate teams must be picked in an identical method.  Lawyers are lining up at the schoolyard to talk to all those poor kids picked last at kickball!!!

 Second, she indicated that the coaches are not certified or qualified to coach, and therefore not able to choose who makes the team.

I’m guessing SHE is obviously more qualified?  Let’s see, it would appear that Maumelle Basketball went 21-4, undefeated in conference play, took 2nd place in the River City District Tournament.  I have no idea what that is but it sounds like these coaches are doing a fine job choosing accomplished and talented players for the team.

And lastly, her son wasn’t given the opportunity to appeal his dismissal from the team, a due process violation.

WTF!?  Due Process!?  Does she even know what the hell she is saying?  Does the Lawyer?  How did he keep a straight face while writing this crap up?  I really feel stupider for just reading the article, I can’t imagine how people actually involved in this farce feel.  You don’t get an appeal for getting cut from a team.  For the love of Bruce Campell, even the most spoiled of people, Paid Athletes, don’t try and pitch the idea of appealing a cut from a team.

Playing on a team is a privilege, not a right.  You try out and hope you make it.  IF you do, you hope you are good enough to stick around and not get replaced by someone better.  If you don’t, then you either sack up and live with it or you practice and get better.

Holy Shit!  There is a concept!  WORK HARDER TO GET SOMETHING!!  How in the hell will kids these days survive if everything isn’t spoon-fed to them!?  If you’re dead set on playing that sport, drop down to JV and get better.  He’s only a freshmen, it’s the normal progression of things.  Yes, I’m sure the kid is devastated, but life is tough.  Stuff isn’t just handed to you.  You have to work for it…..EARN IT. At least that’s the way it should be.  Every kid who tries out for a sport is not going to make it.  Even if you aren’t half bad, you still may not make it.  Bust your ass and get better or learn to play video games.  Hallelujah!  Holy Shit!!  Where’s the Tylenol!?!?

Maumelle Mother Sues After Son Cut From Basketball Team – Source: Arkansasmatters.com

Ark. Mother Sues District and State After Son Cut From Team – Source: Sports.Yahoo.com

I’m guessing this couple was just playing Angry Birds on their phone instead of listening to the instructor.  Mr. Deel managed to wait till the instructor left the room then shot himself in the hand and his wife in the leg.  I’m sure the shot was preceded by the words “Hey Honey, watch this!!”  Mr. Deel called it all just a “stupid accident.  I think we all know where the stupid is here.

Couple Accidentally Shot in Gun Safety Class – Source: Yahoo! News

Wayne Mitchell Dies After Eating Cocaine Hidden In Brothers Butt; Deangelo Mitchell Charged In Death.

I’m not sure there is much more that can be said about this story.  Two brothers, Wayne and Deangelo Mitchell, got pulled over and subsequently placed in the back of a police car.  The elder brother started freaking out about going to prison for life if/when the police find the cocaine he had hidden in his crack.

After some pleading and a minor guilt trip, Deangelo talked his younger brother into swallowing the drugs.  Wayne died shortly thereafter.  Kids…Don’t do drugs.  Don’t eat drugs.  Don’t eat drugs from your siblings ass crack.

Pic de Bugarach: French commune home to 20,000 ‘doomsday cultists’ awaiting alien salvation | The Sideshow – Yahoo! News.

20,000 French cultists gathered around the foot of Pic de Bugarach, awaiting the emergence of an alien race that will herald the end of days and whisk them away to a new world.  In the meantime, they spend their days making models of the mountain out of mashed potatoes.

(To be fair, this was happening “before” Close Encounters of the Third Kind premiered, but who cares?  It’s funny….)

Locals apparently refer to these people as “esoterics.”  C’mon…let’s call them what they are….crazy people.  The French government is actually worried about mass suicides taking place near the mountain as we draw closer to December 21st, the infamous end of the Mayan calendar.  Really, anyone care?  If these people are camped out around the base of this mountain they obviously aren’t working or otherwise benefiting society.  They should just beat them to the punch and nuke the site from orbit.  It’s the only way to be sure.

Austrian saws off own foot to avoid work – report – Yahoo! News.

I hate working as much as the next person, but I draw the line at self mutilation to get out of going to the office.  This guy is committed….or he should be.



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