Category: Misc.

Man Changes Name to God  (Courtesy

I guess someone really needs attention.  This “God,” formerly John Paul LaPointe, is no saint.  Among other things, he’s spent time in a Japanese prison for trying to smuggle marijuana into the country.  A Russian mystic he met while living in a new-age spiritual commune, the first clue that he’s got problems, suggested the name change.  Previously he had changed his last name to Dieux, a play on the French term Dieu meaning God.  So apparently his name is God God, which is even stupider.

Dumb Dumb remarked “I don’t want to make problem with the Quebecers.  I want to be able to vist Montreal and try the maple syrup and not get heckled.”  Maybe you should have thought of that before you decided to change your name to something that is obviously going to get you heckled.  It’s like changing your name to Tinkerbell Fairybottoms and not expecting to get made fun of and jammed in lockers.   You sir, are no god, you’re a moron.  Change your name to that.

Couple Married Inside Tenn. Bass Pro Shop  (Courtesy

I’m not sure what’s more distressing, that these people actually got married inside their local Bass Pro Shop or that other people have already done it!  Probably the latter.  Jonathan and Jennifer Honeycutt were married while regular daily shoppers looked on.  Complete with camouflage wedding dress and Jonathan in a camo tie and baseball cap.  *facepalm*  Jonathan was quoted as saying “Perfect setup. I mean, you get the waterfall in the background. Fish swimming around. Decorations are just perfect.”  Unfortunately, they didn’t fall into the waterfall and drown shortly after the ceremony.

People Make Me Cry

*sigh*  I’ve had to read this article a few times because it just has to be a joke.  The whole thing is just filled with lines that can’t possibly be told with a serious face…..or without causing and extreme headache from trying to understand the logic.  How about a few examples:

“Remarkably she insisted she was healthy, despite now needing a mobility scooter when she goes shopping.”

“My favorite food is sushi, but unlike others I can sit and eat 70 big pieces of sushi in one go.”

“She needed a team of 30 medics to deliver her daughter…”

“I’d love to be 1000lb!” ….follow by….

“It might be hard though. Running after my daughter keeps my weight down.”

“Rather than advise her to slim down, her long-term partner Philippe, 49, instead encourages Ms Simpson to eat more.”

“He’s a real belly man, and completely supports me.”

And the worst one of all…..

“To fund the massive $750 weekly food shop, she runs a website where men pay her to watch her eat fast food.”

Wait, wait, wait….wait.  Hold on……what?  People pay to watch other people eat fast food?  What?  Has anyone seen scanners?  Do you know that part where the guy’s head explodes?  I think mine’s going to do that.  I weep for humanity.

  To paraphrase:

  • No images of women in bikinis
  • No images of men in bikinis!  (eek….luckily I missed all of these)

  • No skin

  • No silhouettes that indicate that Wobble can be used for wobbling boobs

  • No sexual connotations or innuendo: boobs, babes, booty, sex – all banned

  • Nothing that can be sexually arousing!!

  • No apps will be approved that in any way imply sexual content

To further explain, Wobble is an app that allows you to add Jelly-like wobble motion to any user supplied photo.  So, you could take a picture of a girl in a bikini and add said motion to her breasts.  This was specifically mentioned in a Q&A with Apple over the rules, so don’t’ start thinking that was immediately my idea.

So, no women or men (not that anyone cares about the men) in bikinis.  This seems a little extreme.  How do these kids handle walking through department stores near the ladies underwear section?  Or on the beach?  No skin and no silhouettes really confuses me.  Silhouettes can be sexy looking even if a woman is fully clothed.  And no skin….none!  Wait….what?  Does that mean all models need to have long sleeves?  How much arm is acceptable and how much isn’t?  These are all a little silly, but I can at least understand some semblance of what they are trying to do here, even if it’s maybe a tad too broad.

Now, while I understand the need to curtail some of the wording… Babes or Booty really something we need to start censoring?  Nothing that can be sexually arousing or imply sexual content seem a little subjective.  I never got the whole foot thing, but apparently a lot of people actually can get pretty aroused at the site of women’s feet.  I don’t get it, but wouldn’t that mean that any shoe apps (if there are any) could potentially fall under this?

Now what’s really interesting is that while hundreds of apps have already been removed, a Playboy app and the SI Swimsuit App are still available.  Apparently if you have a big enough name it doesn’t matter.

Maybe I’m just bitching for bitchings sake, but it seems like it would be simpler just to make a better parental control, or a separate app store that required some high form of age protection.  All in all I guess it really doesn’t matter much, considering most if not all of the “sexy” apps that were out there sucked anyways…..or, at least that’s what I heard.  The rules just seemed a little over the top and rather broad in what they covered.

Let’s hit the biggest issue here first.  Pink?  Why?  It’s like taking a Jeep and lowering it to the point where it can’t even scale a speed bump.  It defeats the entire purpose.  You’re taking something that is supposed to be inherently spooky and made it the next Hello Kitty accessory.  No self respecting man would put his hands on one of these, nor would he be able to take it seriously.  If you can take Ouija’s seriously at all, but you know what I mean.  I can’t imagine most spirits would want anything to do with it either.  It’s pink for Christ’s sake.  And it comes with a pink carrying case.  So until Reese Witherspoon dies I don’t think you’re going to be talking to any spirits any time soon.  Do they really think girls are going to buy this?

Now lets take a look at the really crazy stuff.  A vocal group of people, most notably of the religious crowd, has balked at the marketing of this “non-game” item.  Obviously aimed at the younger female demographic, opponents complain about this “dangerous spiritual game” and it’s potential to open up it’s players to attacks on their soul!  OK, seriously people, back away from your TV.  Log off from the internet.  I can remember countless times we played with a Ouija board growing up.  At no point did the devil or any of his cohorts decide to crash the party and haunt anyone.  These things were huge, what…20-30 years ago?  Was there some huge spike in hauntings/possessions during that time?

“It’s not Monopoly. It really is a dangerous spiritual game and for [Hasbro] to treat it as just another game is quite dishonest.” remarked Stephen Phelan, communications director for Human Life International.  “………..”  It’s not quite dishonest.  It IS a game.  The patent for the “Ouija” board was submitted in 1891, specifically to market as a game.  Despite what Hollywood or occult crazies have made it out to be, that’s what it is….that’s all it will ever be.

I realize that the perception of this game is to contact the spirits, and that’s frowned upon by aspects of some religions.  But c’mon, it IS a game.  The same aspects can be tied to using a voice recorder to catch an EVP.  Ghost Hunters must be #1 most wanted on these guys hit list!  I’ll agree that paint the thing pink is stupid, and the demographic they are aiming for is stupid, but let’s not go crazy.  People need to stop using what the see on TV, Movies, youtube, or random-guy-at-work nonsense and assuming it’s all fact.  Please, do some research on a subject before you automatically decide how evil it is.  Stop trying to ruin the fun for everyone else.

Before anyone gets started, this is NOT the same as docking tails or taping ears in dogs.  Most of that stuff originates from an actual need to help the animal in some way. For example, some dogs have had their tails docked because, in a farm/outside environment, they would collect burrs, dirt, feces, get caught on fences, or stepped on by cattle while herding. It started as a health and safety issue.  Dogs who’s ears are taped up (i.e. dobermans, Corgis, etc.) are done so because when the ears fold over they are more susceptible to ear infections. And taping does not hurt the animal in any way. One might also say that “fixing” their pet is on the same level. We all know why that is necessary and why it’s acceptable.

Granted, if you own a dog in the city you likely don’t need to have his tail bobbed, but it doesn’t cause any long term issues for the animal.  Now, things that are “purely” for aesthetic purposes and actually cause harm to the animal are another story. Especially when talking about piercing cats!! Cats do a crap ton of climbing, running, squeezing through tight spaces, etc. I’ve had cats growing up that had their collars caught on branches or fences and thus slipped out of them. Imagine one of these cats getting a piercing caught on a fence or branch. Imagine getting it caught while running from a dog or another cat. There’s no slipping out. Simply tearing it from their skin.

Now, is this as bad as the person who leaves their animals in a vacant house after the move out, or out in -30 degree weather?  I don’t think so.  But it’s certainly cruel.  There’s no reason for it.  It’s stupid, and anyone who bought one needs a swift slap to the face as well.

Disclaimer: All trademarks/registerd trademarks are properties of their respective owners. This website contains material submitted and created by third parties. We have made every effort to indicate ownership and provide recognition of said ownership whenever possible. If you feel that you hold copyright to any material contained on this site and wish it's removal, please contact us immediately for it's removal. Please keep in mind this is a humor website and we in no way advocate the abuse, physical harm, or any actions taken against any person or group.

Copyright © 2012 Coalition For Slapping Stupid People. All Rights Reserved.